Parents
Dear Parents ,
I know that you are looking for answers for your children and/or your family or you would not be here! As a child during the fifties, growing up with divorced parents and living with a stepparent was extremely stressful for me. I realize now that it had to be a stressful situation for my stepparent as well. I knew then that other kids must also be having stressful times in their lives; that I was not the only one but we were just not able to put our concerns into words to get help from an adult.
As a child I desperately wanted to make changes in my behavior to please those adults in my life, to make better grades and to get along better with others, but I had no idea how to go about doing that.
The displeasure from adults only served to make me more unhappy, lowered my esteem further and made me feel helpless to make the wanted changes. It became a vicious circle that was never seemed to get better.
As a result, my potential during my growing up years was not fulfilled to the extent it could have been. My grades and behavior were not what my parents nor I wanted. Had I been a happier child I could have focused on my school work better. Many adults can look back on their own childhoods and identify with these thoughts and feelings. How much better it is when we can get children and teens the right kind of help when they need it rather than have them wait to get it in later life and lose the potential of a happy childhood.
Childhood is a critical time in a child’s life for the development of confidence, self esteem and important emotional skills. Important developmental tasks are more likely to be successfully completed, and positive, constructive ways of thinking and feeling are more likely to be developed when a child is happy and when there is not constant concern about that young person’s behavioral problems.
Does this sound familiar? Does your child have the potential for better grades and behaviors, but no matter what you or he/she does , those changes simply never take place?
When I entered graduate school to get an advanced degree in psychology, I felt that these unspoken concerns for children and teens needed some attention. I had experienced tremendous personal growth myself using relaxation, guided imagery, music and positive self talk and it dawned on me that this would be something that would also be beneficial to children as well, especially those who were hyperactive or who had experienced trauma in their lives.
During the early 70s, the belief was that children did not have stress in their lives as that was a carefree time that would end as they entered adulthood. Post traumatic stress for children and/or adults was unknown. I knew from experience that this was not true however, and developed during the early 70s, the first version of the Old Me New Me. The program consisted of relaxation exercises that help children calm down, stop and think before they act, and a series of short stories that gave them the necessary tools and techniques to transition from the old behavior that is destructive to the new behavior that is constructive. It also included some similar short stories combine with relaxation and guided images to help parents become more stress free.
Some of the specific concepts taught in the stories can be seen on the poster below the open letter. Incorporating these concepts into everyday life will ensure your child’s change from negative to positive thinking and feeling.
Your children will be learning specific skills that will change the behaviors that will block them from their success as adults.
When the original program was published, childhood stress became recognized as university psychologists began to do research with the original program, called Peace, Harmony, Awareness. The research results were very exciting and since those first studies, many others have been done with equally positive results. Some of these studies are here on this site.
One of the most important things that has been learned from these research studies is that a right brain approach to therapy is a very important way to create the positive changes that are desired and most often is a much more efficient therapy than talk therapy which many therapists now believe does not work well. This is especially true for children.
A recent addition added to the Old Me New Me website is a single CD that will help children of divorce heal from this traumatic time in their young lives. Parents should also listen to this story in order to provide the support that these children need at this time.
The Old Me New Me has gone through several revisions over time and has incorporated the latest research findings. It has been published by a number of major publishers with major publishing houses. The emphasis has always been on helping children and teens release the negative thinking, negative feelings and inappropriate behaviors which keep young people from doing and being their very best.
Over a period of 10-12 weeks at least 3-4 nights a week, often used when the youngster is in bed at night, the new ways of thinking will have a chance to take hold in their attitude towards themselves, others and their feelings of self confidence and self esteem can grow.
Your child will begin to become aware of the red flags that occur when he/she begins to get upset. When parents also listen, they can help reinforce the concepts when they see these red flags by gently reminding the child of the concepts they need to use at that moment. At that point progress is enhanced and growth can take place.
Don’t wait to help your child make necessary changes as negative thinking and behavior usually only escalates the older the child or teen gets, and the long term consequences are usually more serious problems for the child and the entire family. Better family relations and improved communication between you and your child are possible and will be one of the greatest gifts that you both can share for a lifetime.
Wishing you, your child and your family, all the best for good family relations.
Mimi Lupin, M.A. L.P.C., L.S.S.P.